I'm glad the holidays are over and it's a new year. I hate the month of December. I never wanted to get married in December but I did under pressure. My birthday is in December as well as my husband's. That means an anniversary, two birthdays, Christmas, and New Year's. It starts to snow alot and it's cold. I hate December. I also had dental work done in December. That was not fun. I just wanted to endure December and get it over with. I hate Christmas shopping and then you have to go to people's houses to open the gifts. It's really hard because I am usually depressed in the winter time. It's hard to make myself go out and be cheerful and jolly during this time. My lack of Christmas cheer annoys my husband because he is into it while I am not.
The last new year I was depressed and worried because of the financial situation the country was in. I was worried about my husband losing his job at the hotel. I was sure that we were going to get evicted from our apartment somehow. Nothing bad happened and my worrying was for naught. My mother fell ill and had to retire from working but that was the only worrysome thing that happened in 2009.
I feel relieved that 2009 ended without any major changes in my life. I am less worried that anything bad will happen in 2010. I still worry, though. I don't want to move out of where we are living but the apartments are coming up empty and I'm afraid we will be evicted if the apartment building can no longer pay its mortgage. I'm still worried about my husband's job situation because I don't want him to lose his temper and get fired. I also worry about my mother as she is having a hard time living within her means.
I would like to be more productive during the day. I spend too many hours in bed. I have felt so useless. It's been hard because I don't have a routine. Especially when I stay up all night. I lose focus and get depressed because I don't have anything to do. I need to do things during the day. I need to write and read and work on jewelry making. I need to take a walk everyday (weather permitting). I need to be more thankful for the things that are going right in my life. I also need to cultivate my relationships. I need to call people more. I need to talk to my husband more. I need to find creative ways of spending my free time. Maybe volunteer again. Maybe try to find a part-time job. I need to live my life instead of waiting to die or for the next crisis to happen.