Long time no see...

I haven't blogged in a while. I have been drifting from day to day merely existing. I haven't been doing much of anything. I've been trying to sleep at night. Sometimes I sleep, sometimes I do not. I've been worrying about our finances. My student loan is out of deferment and will come due in November. I don't know where the extra money is going to come from. I wish I could make an extra 500 to 1,000 dollars a month to make things easier. I wish I could sleep through the night so I could take on a full or part-time job. That's not going to happen so I need to find a way to work from home. I have no idea how to do that. I thought I could do surveys online but they are a scam. I just don't know what to do. Should I try to look for work again? I have such an old work history. I haven't worked in 9 years. I wish I could find something to do online. So many offers online are scams. I tried to download an e-book about making money online and I couldn't do it. I don't know but I need to do something.

The past nine years just flew by. I did go to school for one year and I had trouble keeping a job for another but I can't tell you what I have been doing for the last nine years. I feel like part of it was recovering from my manic episode in 2004 but I don't know what else I've been doing. I just spend every day waiting for Howard to come home. I really need to do something during the day. Writing seems to be the only thing I can do during the day. I don't know what else to do. I'd like to find something to do online during the day so I can make money and contribute to the household finances. There are just so many scams out there. I don't want to get robbed online like we did a few years back when Howard was looking for a job. I just want to be productive. It's been so long since I have felt like a producing human being. I just feel so useless.

I'm going to work on my stories and teach myself to write screenplays and possibly write a book based on my experience in the ICOC. I'm going to see if surveys online can work but I'm going to have to spend a little money to find that out. I don't know what else to do. I just need to be more productive with my time. I also will try and read a book a week. I will also blog at least every Sunday night. I think doing these things will help me feel better about myself.